


One for the Tabloids

by cantkeepupwithmyfeels



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Animated Universe, DC Cinematic Universe, DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Drunkenness, Hal is an idiot, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Porn, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Unresolved Tension, breif mention of vomiting, bruce is an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 18:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9284219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantkeepupwithmyfeels/pseuds/cantkeepupwithmyfeels
Summary: Friend of mine came up with this prompt a while ago I figured I'd give it a shot.Prompt from pansexualcassiecain on tumblr: Hal and Bruce hooking up but not getting serious. Hal still doesn’t know who Bruce is but he WANTS to be with him but god fucking DAMNIT Batmans an ass. Then after being nosy he confronts Bruce andJUST ADMIT IT THE REAL REASON YOU CANT BE SERIOUS ABOUT ME IS BECAUSE YOURE DATING BRUCE WAYNE and holy fuck okay Hal thinking Batman and Bruce are a couple would make my life like its a canon thing in the DCU already that people have assumed that and WHY WOULD HAL NEED TO LOOK DEEPER INTO IT BATMAN SCREWING BRUCE EXPLAINS SO MUCH





	

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not add another chapter to this, I'm not sure yet.

Hal was going to be reasonable about this.  _ Was _ being the operative word. A few drinks and a TMZ story later, he lost all reason. This had been a long time coming if he thought about it, which if he was completely honest with himself, he did that a lot. He should have known getting into bed with Batman was trouble, be it literal or figurative. 

They’ve been doing this...whatever the hell the this was, if Hal was completely honest, he didn’t know. For the past couple months, arguing turned into shoving matches, shoving matches turning into getting shoved into the wall with hot, angry lips on his, which turned into sex more often than not. And truly living up to his nickname, Spooky never failed to keep his mask on, even when Hal had lost all hope of concentration to keep his construct up, which was happening quicker and quicker much to his dismay. He was starting to think he was developing a goddamn costume kink and that was causing all sorts of problems. It was pretty fucking eerie to look into unblinking, nondescriptive pure white lens as you came, it was even eerier when you were sitting in a meeting looking at the same lens and you started, listening to the same gruff voice and you started to get a boner.

Of course, that all he thought that’s all it was at first, sex. This form of stress relief in the hero world wasn’t exactly new to him, hell he had done it with both Ollie and Barry at points when adrenaline and tensions were high, or when they were frustrated about a case. That was normal, sporadic. And that’s how things had started off with him and Bats really. They were frustrated and the Dark Knight took it out on his ass for a couple hours.  _ Normal _ . 

But it started to get less sporadic lately. Where as it used to be after an argument they’d just fuck on the closest surface and be on their way afterwards. It worked like that. No emotions other than anger, frustration and a near obsessive need to impress the jackass.  Now that he thought about, that’s the same emotions he felt when he thought about Batman even before they started fucking. Further analysis on that when he’s a little drunker. Anyway, the past month they had fallen into a routine. They pick fights during the meetings and then meet in Spooky’s room, roll in the hay for a while before Hal gets kicked out. Sometimes they talked after sex, like actually  _ talked. _ About Hal’s dad, his brothers, his mom. About the airforce, about Carol, about the Corps. Really Hal did most of the talking, Bats mostly listened. At least he thought he listened. It was really hard to tell when the guy had the emotional range of a potato. 

But once in awhile he could get something out of him, just a tiny little tidbit, like how Robin has a tendency to bring strays back to the cave or a story about Nightwing or Red Hood (and man, that whole situation made him and Jack look like the goddamn Brady’s) when they were small. Little things that reminded him that the Big Bad Bat of Gotham was not only human but he was a _ dad _ for Christ’s sake.

Hal snorted at that train of thought.

“Heh. Batdad.” He muttered, his alcohol riddled brain thinking that was funny enough to warrant a giggling fit. This wasn’t like him, he could normally handle his booze. But after his week with the added bonus of being dragged out to his brother’s, he  _ might  _ of had a bit more than normal. At least he didn’t have to fly for Carol tomorrow. She knew visiting Jack normally resulted in a freighter jet sized hang over the next day, deeming him useless. He was giggling so much he had to touch down on a nearby building to catch his breath. It shouldn’t  of surprised him when a cautious but serious voice from the the shadows.

“What have I said about my city, Lantern?” Hal looked up at the bright white lens standing out in the darkness and laughed more. He looked like something out of a creepy kids’ show or something. “Jordan.” The Bat said a little more urgently this time. When Hal looked up again, Batman had stepped out of the shadows, reaching for something in his utility belt. Oh yeah. Gotham had that ‘Literal Killer Clown’ problem, the deadly laughing gas thing. Of course, even if he had ran into the killer clown, his ring would protect him. Silly Spooky. Batman seemed to realize this (or maybe he just got close enough to smell the alcohol on his breath) and his face twisted into a familiar scowl. “You’re drunk.” He let his hand drop away from the belt. It wasn’t a question, it never was with him.

“And yer datin’ Bruce Wayne.” Hal slurred pointing an accusatory finger at his unchanging expression. It had all clicked when he had been sitting in his brother’s living room, TMZ playing while the kids ran around the house, all five of them being under the same roof for the first time in a little over a month. Sue was on the phone with Jim, who was late, and Jack was probably getting another beer. Hal had been working on his second, trying to forget an incident at the tower involving a certain vigilante and thinking about taking the kids out back and toss a football or kick a soccer ball around for a while. He still had to fly home afterwards (he had waited until everyone went to bed and would tell them he caught a cab home if Jim called in the morning) when a story from Gotham had caught his attention (he kind of hated how even the mention of the city the asshole protected seemed to draw him in).

It had been yet another about the Prince of Gotham, not that really surprised Hal. The only other thing remotely newsworthy in that city was the Batman himself, even the crime rate didn’t seem to hit major news outlets anymore unless something major happened. Which he guessed was every other week but that was still Batman related. Anyway Bruce Wayne had been kidnapped (“Shocker.” Jack had piped up, sitting on the opposite end of of the couch as Hal, he ignored him) and the Dark Knight had (of course) came to the rescue. It was really less about that and more about making jokes and bets about whether or not the Bat and the Prince had ‘special arrangements’ with how much Wayne got kidnapped.

“He’s into some weird stuff from what I hear.” One of the female reporters had commented, leaning back in a cushy red chair. “Wouldn’t surprise me if he was a furry too.”

And that’s was when it clicked.

No, not that Hal was a Furry (at least, he hoped the mask thing was more of a secret identity thing...yeah, it was, he knew Spooky, that had to be it).

The Goddamn Batman was dating Bruce Wayne. That was the only explanation for what had happened at the Watchtower. At least that was the conclusion he came to after six more beers. 

The Goddamn Batman looked less convinced. And like he was swaying. That might of been Hal.

“Go home, Jordan, while you can still stand.” Batman said, eyeing him. At least Hal thought he was, he couldn’t tell from behind those stupid lens.

“You go home.” The pilot countered brilliantly. “To your dumb rich boyfriend’s house. Does he know you have a superhero on the side? Supervillians too from what I hear. Get the best of thrice worlds, huh Spooky?”

“Lantern, this isn’t-”

“Then when Spooks?” He hiccuped. “Goddammit, you could have said something before I embarrassed myself! Or you know, stopped it before it fucking started!”

“Lantern-”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! The gadgets, the Watchtower?! Fucking Christ, I can’t believe I lov-”

“ _ Hal _ .” Batman said firmly, effectively cutting off the pilot’s train of thought. Which was good because he was a little short of breath from yelling and the swaying turned into full fledged spinning now. He blacked out seconds later.

 

Hal woke up on the softest fucking bed he had ever had the pleasure of laying on and he couldn’t even enjoy it thanks to the massive hangover he was experiencing. He sat up and immediately regretted it. He scrambled to the adjoining (there was a God) bathroom and proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He stayed there for a while, forehead resting against the cool ceramic rim. 

“Good, you’re awake.” A smooth voice from the door had said. Hal groaned and lifted his head to look over  his shoulder. The man was tall, dark hair messy from sleep and blue eyes sharper than any tabloid would lead you to believe, leaning his surprising large and muscular frame casually against the doorway, both hands cupping a mug of coffee, which he brought to his lips as Hal’s eyes ran down his silk clad form, pajamas and robe both. He was gorgeous and Hal hated him a little bit more. Instead of voicing this, he groaned again and leaned his head against the rim of the toilet once more. This didn’t seem to perturb the billionaire, if the chuckle he let out was any indication. “Seems about right with the state you were in last night.” That earned another distressed groan from the brunette as memories came flooding back to him. 

He had very drunkenly flew out to Gotham to confront the Batman about him dating Bruce Wayne after being told a simple ‘no’ with no real explanation when he had asked if they could maybe take their relationship beyond just sex (he could of let it go if it had been something as simple as Batman just didn’t  _ want  _ to take it beyond a physical relationship, but Spooky had even said that wasn’t quite it but wouldn’t explain further). Something he hadn’t wanted in a long time, something he couldn’t imagine with anyone up until a few weeks ago when he realized something rather dangerous. Something that really didn’t matter now. Especially since the prick had taken his mistress (he cringed at the thought) to his fucking boyfriend’s after he had passed out. Great.

“I’ll be out of your hair soon, Mr. Wayne.” He muttered mostly into the toilet. That earned him another chuckle.

“Don’t be silly. There’s something I would like to show you, Mr. Jordan, since our...mutual acquaintance went through the trouble of bringing you back here last night.” He sounded amused, his voice as light and smooth as it was in interviews. Great, another prick. He and Spooky were perfect for eachother. “There’s ibuprofen and water on the night stand. Meet me downstairs when you’re feeling a little more human.” He said and took his leave.

About forty minutes later Hal dragged himself downstairs (a little surprised that the clock in the hall read 2:30pm), figuring that he would just get this over with so he could go home and hopefully sleep the rest of the day away. Wayne was dressed now, in some expensive suit he probably couldn’t pronounce the name of, looking more like the pictures Hal was used to seeing of him, Somewhere, in what he assumed was the direction of the kitchen, he heard laughing and arguing and his stomach sank a little more. Wayne had kids. That’s right. Fuck. 

Either ignoring or not noticing his distress, Bruce motioned for him to follow. He did as he was instructed, following him into his study. His eyes widened a bit when he opened the secret passage way, motioning him to go on.

“This doesn’t lead down to your sex dungeon, does it?” He half joked as he walked down the stone steps. Wayne rolled his eyes at him.

“This isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey, Jordan.” He said, voice gruffer, more familiar, making Hal tense, even more so as the space opened up into the Cave. Hal had been zeta’d here plenty of times, had seen the space from the opposite side of the big monitor at the Watchtower to know it. He looked back to Wayne, Bruce.  _ Batman _ , whose expression had gone from vaguely amused to that  _ stupid _ neutral expression. Apparently he hadn’t need the mask to keep what he was thinking from Hal. That only served to piss the Lantern off more.

“More like Fifty Shades of What the Fuck?!”

“Did it take you all that time to come up with that?” Bruce asked, voice finding a middle ground between Batman and ‘Brucie Wayne’ which was annoyingly soothing, lips twitching into a small smirk. Hal wanted to punch him. “As you can see, I’m not dating Bruce Wayne.”

“Then why…?” 

“My life is complicated, Jordan.” He cut him off. Hal snorted.

“Join the club, buddy.” He muttered, earning a glare. “Sorry, go on.”

Bruce rolled his eyes, going over and leaning against the console. He was quiet for a while, making Hal shift uncomfortably. “My life is complicated.” He repeated. “I have kids, papers constantly following my every move, several alter egos that need to be kept in check. I have to work twice as hard to have any semblance of a private life.” He looked directly at Hal as he spoke, something he found to be even more unnerving without the mask. “My love life is constantly plastered over tabloids, news and entertainment outlets. Any relationship that lasts over a week is put under a microscope.” There seemed to be a silent  _ do you understand _ at the end of the sentence and it hit Hal like a ton of bricks. He was being protected. The ever self-sacrificing bastard was pushing away any of his wants so Hal’s identity would stay safe. Hal got the urge to punch him again. 

“Isn’t that kind of the other party’s decision? Whether or not it’s worth it?” He asked. A flash of green caught his eye and he looked down at his flashing ring. He groaned. Not now. Bruce’s eyes traveled to it.

“Seems like it’s already been decided for you.” 

“The Hell it has.” Hal spat, creating his construct for his suit before crowding Bruce’s space, kissing him, relaxing when it was returned. “We’re talking about this when I get back.” He growled. Bruce’s lips twitched into a smirk again. He wanted to kiss it until it was a real smile. 

“Just don’t do anything stupid until then.”  


 


End file.
